Realization

It was on a horribly horribly cold winter day and I was hungry..

2009-01-22T18:28:50Z

So, its been awhile since I posted anything at all on my journal. :P
Anyway, while I was heating up my bread for breakfast, I was waiting and suddenly I felt poetic. After a few minutes of extracting the moment, this popped out. :P and by the time i finished my garlic bread's all cold and chewy, and the butter all....disgusting. I doubt I'll ever sacrifice warm fluffy bread for something this disgusting ever again, so darn poem-muse, STOP IT!

Some days when the winter isn’t bleak and dreary.

When the sky is still and the wind isn’t blowing.

Those certain days when the streets are quiet, the snow sleeping.

The children are at school learning, the parents at their jobs working.

How rare must it be, on such a quiet day, that the sun shines brightly.

Alone and at home, it is the peacefulness of a resting tome.

Yet surely and strongly, the sun’s weak glare strengthens. On the floor the light lengthens.

I step warmly onto thus warm light, imaginations of years passed went wild.

Nostalgia runs over me

Like the fine combs of a brush, tenderly and gently, slowly and faintly,

Like dreams long gone. Entertaining these thoughts forlorn,

I dance to the rhythm of silence. The slow sway, the slow shuffle,

The seeping warmth flows into me like no barriers held.

And in every moment, it comes to an end.

This poem does not give it a justified peace, but slowly surely this comes again.

So...IDK. It just randomly popped into my head- and it seemed pretty- but really really amateurish.

Asian Drama OST

2007-11-18T05:53:20Z

Got this off another website with some (my friend's) modifications :)R

IF YOUR LIFE WAS AN ASIAN DRAMA, WHAT WOULD YOUR OST (ORIGINAL SOUNDTRACK) BE?
So, here's how it works:
1. Open your library (iTunes, Winamp, Media Player, iPod, etc)
2. Put it on shuffle
3. Press play
4. For every question, type the song that's playing
5. When you go to a new question, press the next button
6. Don't lie and try to pretend you’re cool...

here's mine: Since I'm listening to Disney, they're all disney songs :D

Opening Credits:
We Are One (Lion King) Ah, the lectures of life, and the wonders of every day… Very hopefull

Waking Up:

In the Jungle (Lion King) Very cheerful waking up, how it totally contrasts my usual grumpy mornings. That’s right, in bed, I’m the sleeping lion…leavemealone!

First Day At School:
Stand Out (A Goofy Movie) Sadly enough I don’t do enough of this..

Falling In Love:
I Give You to His Heart (Prince of Egypt) Well, since I don’t have a son to give, I’ll just give my bf away..to God.

Fight Song:
The Bells of Notre Dame (Hunchback of Notre Dame) Would I be the beast or the village? Oh wait, I’m just the storyteller/referee :D

Breaking Up:

Prince Alli (Aladdin) Make way indeed…

Prom:

Belle (Beauty and the Beast) Well, in both there are a plenty of people…

Life:

Once Upon A December(Anastasia) Lost memory, um…!

Mental Breakdown:

Someday My Prince Will Come (Snow White) They come in needles and straight jackets! In my own fantasy world!

Driving:

Yo Ho A Priate’s Life For Me (Pirates of the Carribean) YES! Call me the highway woMAN!

Flashback:

Be Prepared (Lion King) That’s some angsty flashback, but yes I’m EBIILLL and KING!

Getting back together:

Looking for Romance (Bambi) Oh, how lovely! ♥ It’s like a confession (except I’ve already decided to play this song at my wedding)

Wedding:

Not One of Us (Lion King II) I’m…dumped at my altar?

Birth of Child:

Do I Love You Because You’re Beautiful (Cinderella) Uhhm would that be a pretty baby or an ugly baby or even worse, a pretty ugly baby? Nonetheless, you’re the sweet invention of two lover’s dream ♥

Final Battle:

Out There (Hunchback of Notre Dame) Free-(of)-dome battle yes!

Death Scene:

Arabian Night (Alladin) Totally random, but dying in the desert…how exahausting!

Funeral Song:
When You Believe (Prince of Egypt) Nice and angsty, unfortunately too full of life, since when you’re dead, there technically aren’t no miracles..let this be the song for my mourners then..

End Credits:

I’m Wishing (Snow White) …..No!

Burden

2007-10-02T00:56:11Z

Ever felt like just the greatest burden on people? I'm getting that vibe a lot nowadays, to almost every I have social contact with. It does a LOT for my self-esteem. lol.
Constantly just put aside, and having people's eyes look right over you, their eyes light up and then you're in the darkness. Sometimes that's a cruciating feeling, and perhaps a bit of jealousy and betrayal too? Am i 'just' a common friend? So plain and ordinary, and unexciting that I would just be shoved aside like a little ragged-doll? In those instances, i haven't even had the joy of recieving attention for more than a question answered. Sad, very sad itsn't it?
Just who has time for you then? Why is it that you can't be accepted and appreciated? Actually, you know, this should only be a phase in life, there are many more solitary and lonely days in the future after all... but isn't it a little too soon to start now? I don't know, don't understand a thing at all.
The constant feeling of being left behind, can anyone sympathize with that truly?

You're not intelligent, no not at all.
Always stating the obvious, you laugh at yourself albeit bittlerly,
But it's not as if they can hear.

Sitting in a room, there's about 20 people in all.
How is it that no one would smile or just meet your eyes?
Looking down, figiting with your hands,

Waiting for someone.
Minutes tick by and the murmurs grow louder
Silent, Still, time goes on by.

Ache, close to tears,
Looking up now, albeit desperately,
Everyone in pairs and more.

Ask a question. Smile! and Go on!
Cool questioning eyes turn to you
A fluter of hope beats and grows still

There's a polite smile, and a dismissal
And that's all you get
Silent, Still, time streams on.

Sometimes, it's just not enough?

Pedro Paramo 'fic'

2007-08-28T20:30:09Z

Well, here I got to think, my computer's possibly rated as 'ancient' by now. COnsidering I got in in '02, which i do think is quite old. And since then, it's gone blank on me plentiful times. approximately once every year, so that makes it around 5 or 6 times since i had to delete everything from my old computer in order to reboot. well, thinking that way makes me ever so sad, because so many beloved files just WASTED.
for that very reason, it makes me happy to post things up where i can still find it SOME DAY. hopefully. and know that wow, i actually didn't lose everything. and thus, here, i have my homework. it's actually an IB homework essay. My world literature 2 essay, i did a creative piece, and it's not so great, needed some revising... but o well.

Existentialism and Fatalism

Rating: PG
Author: Mineko_Kitsune
Note: There's no need to know the story of Pedro Paramo, because this is a pastiche. Let's just hope it can remind those who've read the book of it instead.
Disclaimer: I do not own the book, but nor can anyone just take this piece and post it without my knowing.

Morning.

Sunlight streamed through half-closed blinds, stabbing through my eyelids like the blades of some holy angel ready to condemn me to hell.

“I don’t believe I caught your name”, the sudden voice jerked me awake, attentive of all corners of the room. Lifting my not groggy eyes to face the voice, I see the same ragged hulk of flesh as I did yesterday in the moving truck speeding 120 mph on the dusty road of nowhere. Finally I remember how I got into this fix.

Heat wavering in the horizon between the sky and the dusty road, and nothing is in sight for miles on. It is so hot and dry, the arid dessert is blemishing from the glare of the hot sun. Sweat was pouring down the side of my face in streams of salty wetness landing on my lip until I couldn’t differentiate the bitterness of tears.

I remember being so hopeless, I wished for another chance...

Here the sun was bright and intense like the dark towers rooted in the heat absorbing black pavement. There were no trees, no houses, no life, nothing but towers struck like toothpicks on the wavering pavement. Not like this shack we reside in, spaced out away from those towers.

“Howard”, my voice rasped like having been scorched by the fires of Hell, it hurts to talk and it burns when I do.

“Just Howard?” the Hulk continues on, his eyes are riveted on the statue atop of the nightstand, dark eyes staring blankly at the wooden figure strapped to the cross, his face twisted into something eerily indescribable as his eyes trailed over the agonized face and blank eyes of Christ.

“I don’t know,” I snapped, willing him to leave it at that, my voice was parching and I needed water quickly.

“Say,” he begins yet again, “how long have you been hitchhiking? Don’t you care you might get into a vehicle one day and never get out?”

This man was asking totally irrelevant questions,

“Hey man, if I’m being a bother or something-“I wanted to snap, but a sudden need to cough took hold of my throat.

“Nothing like that, you want some water?” his eyes finally turned on me, and I’m not sure I understand what’s hidden in that dark gaze.

“Yeah, thanks”, I watched him pour the water from the pitcher that seemed to have materialized out of nowhere, ice clinking against each other, the light from the window illuminates the man’s figure, where he stood in front of the window. He looks rather ethereal…

“What’s your name again?”

“…”, he didn’t reply as he poured, and I watched him watch the water being poured into the glass.

“Saint”, he finally answered. I was confused, Saint?

It was a new chance for him, for this day he had swallowed his pride, groveled to leave, and left overnight to come here. But now he was here, and The City welcomed him with promises.

The City was a luring Eden’s apple, its people drawn to the magnificent wonders of fashion and technology systems. Every dark towers represented a trophy of capitalist conquest, whose late-night lit office windows reached, arms wide, to the night sky that was onyx and glorious and frightening. This was a catastrophic world, empty like an abandoned seashell.

This was one heck of a place.

It was dark, ferocious, and unforgiving. It was a City, like all the others and yet not quite like all the others. It existed in a real world and also in the hearts of all who resided within its confines. It had no name, not for want of one, but because there was no need for one. As its people were faceless, so was The City. It represented the tar in the citizen’s hearts and an embodiment of their delusions. People flocked to it, wanted to experience the gifts the City would bear. They never wanted to return home to their old lives, companies, or children. Instead, so consumed they are, that they disfigure themselves to fit into some cookie cutter. Everyone was the same, they’ve become what they wanted and for the greatest price ever paid.

I wanted to retort that it wasn’t his real name, but something about the way his body tensed up silence me before I actually got the words out. And suddenly there was nothing else to say, I got up and left the room with him still staring at the statue.

By the time I reached the kitchen door of this small home, the home-owner invited me in for tea. The sweet perfume of jasmine belied the actually bitterness of the beverage.

“I see you know Saint quite well now; it’s so rare nowadays for him to bring friends home”

“He’s your son ma’am?”

“No, no, I took him in two years ago just like how I took you in, back then it was Richard who brought him in, and before that it was O’Malley who brought Richard in. Now that I think about it, it does seem like a repeating pattern doesn’t it?”

“What happened to those people?”

“Oh, they’ve gone into the city and never came back. Now I’m always wondering when will it be Saint’s turn to leave me alone”

“What’s so great about the city?”

“It’s not just a city, boy, it’s The City. And no one knows why people are so compelled to go there, but that who ever enters, never left”

Clouds overcast the sky again, and in the bright light, the towers of The City at the peak of the horizon stood with fog dissolving into smoky mist veiling the distance from the little shack he resides in. But for all the mist and distance between them, there lacks the presence of any other building or home, bringing up again, the isolation.

“You ready to go?” Saint’s voice penetrates my idle study of The City.

“Yeah…you think I can really find myself in there Saint?”

“I can’t tell, I’ve never been there”

“I think I’m going to find out soon enough for the both of us”

Current Events in the Life of a CAT

2007-08-20T20:12:51Z

C = crazy

A = Asian

T = Teen

Oh, and speaking of current events, my life is going up the nonexistent garbage chute to Godzilla land, where fear and confusive chaos rules with no sense of capability nor liability. <<that made no sense whatsoever, but that's not the point.

the point is: LIFE'S GOING DOWN THE DRAIN

today, is the day of rant. I'm having things that are absolutely choking me with their pressure. Let us start with COLLEGE. what the HELL?! the subject is definitely pissing me off. First I'd like to whine about how my grades SUCK, in the totally average way, and my GPA and class rank is not high enough for any acceptances into the better universities. other colleges would probably be a waste of time for me, only because they're not fit for the major i sort of want to but am not decisive about for me. That said, I'm having a tough ass time picking a good college, good on the reps and would lead to a future job with loads of money >.>; which none is actually likely to happen.

One thing, is that I'm defintely not a med or technology student, i hate anything to do remotely with math, and science plain bores me to tears...of the yawning kind. this automatically rules out MANY possibilities to my amusement. for what else may be left other than art, music, and history/literature, which would rather focus into the education area. come what may, i'll stall until no longer!

well, anyway, the point is colleges and my major. one of the pissiest things about this issue is how my dad wants me to go to a well known college just so he can BRAG about it to his coworkers >.>; is it really bad of me to say i don't want to get in there for that? I'm not even sure if i want to go there anymore. but when i even hint that to him, his face goes all cold and disappointed, and acts horribly. its seriously annoying, because all he knows is i'm stupid. all he ever knows is that HE works hard, and that i give nothing back >.> and that lays guilt to me as well as indignant anger. but alas, what can i do? He's the father... supposedly allowed to control every fucking aspect of my life. while, he does think the better options for me, which otherwise work in chinatown >.>; i dont like the fact he's tryping to pressure me into going to a college i dont think i can afford nor excell in.

i dont even know about the truth in anything anymore. i have no lead into where i want/will go in the future, and everything's turning into a right huge mess. and considering college applications are coming close, not to mention my senior year, everythings going horribly wrong all of a sudden. all my friends are just leaving for greener pastures, where i feel abandoned. and just how do i stop the change from happening?!

decision making is coming closer everyday; i still have so much homework to do; summer's ending, and i still dont know what to do about the rest of my life. not to mention all the social problems i'm having, in which 'how to define a fine friend'. i know that accepting and moving on is the correct answer, but its hard knowing something and accepting it. i just want to refuse everything right now. just the knowledge that everything will get worse in the future makes me want to curl back into my mother's womb. its such a harsh world waiting for me, and nothing but the shades of loneliness, difficulty, and poverty lays ahead.

colleges, high school, grammar school.. each time it gets more difficult doesn't it? and what after schooling? nothing but a cycle of wake, work, eat, work, sleep. i feel so content with spending the rest of my with my computer, the entertainment value will never cease, or so i'll believe. >.>

hurrah for fandom!

mineko_kitsune @ 2007-08-20T13:20:00

2007-08-20T19:09:45Z

I~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~'ve got the ONCE CD!!! *fist in the air* FINALLY!!!!!

there was also an album for Within Temptation, which most songs i DONT have, but in the over extravagant light of Once, WHO CARES?!

and i've definitely got to say, its the BEST soundtrack ever! I LOVE Glen Hansard's voice to BITS!!

Lyrics to Falling Slowly

I don't know you
But I want you
All the more for that
Words fall through me
And always fool me
And I can't react
And games that never amount
To more than they're meant
Will play themselves out

Take this sinking boat and point it home
We've still got time
Raise your hopeful voice you have a choice
You've made it now

Falling slowly, eyes that know me
And I can't go back
Moods that take me and erase me
And I'm painted black
You have suffered enough
And warred with yourself
It's time that you won

Take this sinking boat and point it home
We've still got time
Raise your hopeful voice you had a choice
You've made it now

^^^^^
favorite song :D

mineko_kitsune @ 2007-06-29T03:36:00

2007-06-29T09:04:41Z

so, i'm gonna post one more time before i go to bed...where all sane people should be at this hour...3:37
my thoughts aren't put together well, just a moment ago, i wrote a shit load of stuff about being racist, yet i still couldn't get where my thoughts want me to go, because it goes too fast. yet at the same time i don't want to lose my trail of thoughts, ever happen to you like that? its actually why im poor at expressing myself, i end up talking in circles trying to put what i have in mind into words that aren't repetitive, though, i never think before i talk either. i really hate that about myself.
i really want to stop all that 'i hate myself' talk, 'i hate everything' because when my temper flares and i feel desolate, that does happen. but for every other time i don't want to do that. reading other's ljs made me realize how we're all alike underneath, we like to lament and hate ourselves. but, i'm trying to find myself, and my stupid brain says in order to do so you must segregate your every action from everyone else. which for some reason is what other people also do in thier livejournals obviously.
still, i want to know who i am really, how do people see me? why am i never confident? do people talk behind my back? i am very much self-centered, but i don't think it would make sense if i weren't, since "all people care for themselves!" (mocks) dude, why can't i ever instigate myself to do things i really want to do? Why am i afraid of every action i take? again..confidence problem. which leads to another thing, why am i so insecure of myself. recently ive realized that myself, and it makes me resent myself more. i know i can say a lot of stuff to put myself down, and i've done so before, but for all that ive said, do i believe them? if yes, then why wont i change, if no, does that mean i want attention? its like, 'how much of myself do i know?' and i enter the land of the supernatural where i can see myself as able to talk to my future self or something and ask her to look at me and see and answer who i am, give me a definite description. i really really wish there would be someone out there, who really really really sees me for who i am. call me on my bad, (but i fear the harsh words at the same time) and be there for me to lean on... who am i kidding? I don't want someone like that, i know what i want, i want the world to shape up to who i am, not shape myself to what they want. that's what. and that's the blatant truth! there, that seems to answer every little bit of my whining.
saying so, i'm ready to sleep. i feel much better for some reason... because saying what i demand, saying that in particular, reveals who i am, lazy and selfish, without the stupid anger at myself. y'know?
anyway, i made up this little corny peice and i wanted to post it here for some future moron that decides to read my pathetic journal, just like how i did with those other pathetic people's.
its really not good, because for one its cheesey, and another's that there's no good rythme or mood or whatever, i definitely tried to do so, but um..(raises eyebrow) i'm just not that smart apparently. but if anyone read my bio, they should know that i'm addressing myself, not some stupid peepingtom despite i'm not hiding this entry! for all those possible peepers, i'd be extremely embarrassed if i know they've read my entry because i don't expect anyone to, and i'd rather stick to the thought that no one's bothered to read it and leave me in peace.
well, here's the stupid poem i made:

A Hero amongst Us

When the world falls around us
And you’re swallowed up in despair
Don’t let go of the small flame you hold
That brings just that little warmth

When straggling in the cold
Cup the flickering light
Walk on through the snow
Trudge till we find our purpose in life

You will continue to meet dangers along they way
It’s your instincts that allow you to survive
Sometimes run rather than fight
And live another day

We’re not all heroes and savers
But relieved to see that smile on our families’ faces
When we walk through the door
Still carrying that small flame of light

That carries our hope
And our ever existing future
Therein lives the hero of the day
For those who bring about the circle of life

Is the greatest hero of them all

like i said, cheesy, and i know i can definitely do better to express my real life than these stupid moralic crappy shit that i really don't *really* believe unles i feel loved...yes i'm still a brat.
gonna sleep, and damn this rant took a half hour!

mineko_kitsune @ 2007-06-29T02:29:00

2007-06-29T07:39:09Z

Pursing lips.... There's not much to do around anymore except stalking friends for some reason. Can't believe i've been rejected twice already, both of which i really want, but c'mon! TWICE?! Snerkers! Anyway, here's a nice little pun off the internet, because i love it so much:

"Wareware-tte kotoba suki da yo. Nandaka hyouga jidai mitai na fun-iki ja nai?"
"Hyouga jidai?"
"Tatoeba, wareware ha minami ni utsuru beshi, toka, wareware wa manmosu o karu beshi, toka ne?"
Translated
"Hmm, I do like the word 'we', though. It has an Ice Age ring to it."
"Ice age?"
"Such as 'We go south' or 'We hunt mammoth' right?"
-(Hitsuji o meguru bouken vol 2., p.10)

i love it so much, i have it in my email signature...

done for the ...morning >.>

ps: Summer's getting really sad/depressing, but then again, i want nothing more to do than to cuddle up with my new novel and read to my hearts content, without the overwhelming -often time loosing- temptation of fanfiction on the internet...so basically my reading time has been boot to moot...
oh my dear novel~ thus whence can i spread open your virgin pages again? XD
besides that, i really need to reread harry potter the 5th, and continuing on for the 6th since the next book's coming out and the only thing i remember from that is -spoiler!-

that dumbledore died and the murderer was....damn, either snape or draco...one or the other, or that draco started the killing and snape finished it for him or something...and such...

damn, the temptation of a good fic, that books been sitting there for days! gonna have to lock my self up in a like, bathroom or something..
on the other hand...there's been original fiction, and my favorite yet:
The Other Princess, by Piratess Summer, on fanfiction (dot) net in the section under Fairy Tales...bewitching tale, though i really don't like the revision...so make sure to read the Other Princess, not the making of a wicked step sister or something.....

done for today :D

Another Quiz: What type of Tarrot Card Are You?

2006-12-14T06:49:51Z

You are The Hermit

Prudence, Caution, Deliberation.

The Hermit points to all things hidden, such as knowledge and inspiration,hidden enemies. The illumination is from within, and retirement from participation in current events.

The Hermit is a card of introspection, analysis and, well, virginity. You do not desire to socialize; the card indicates, instead, a desire for peace and solitude. You prefer to take the time to think, organize, ruminate, take stock. There may be feelings of frustration and discontent but these feelings eventually lead to enlightenment, illumination, clarity.

The Hermit represents a wise, inspirational person, friend, teacher, therapist. This a person who can shine a light on things that were previously mysterious and confusing.

What Tarot Card are You?
Take the Test to Find Out.

I was so not satisfied with mine, so i searched until i got the right one, because considerably none of those matched until i found this one. So i have my own self reflection, and its pretty..accurate if i do say so myself.

Die stupid girl Die!

2006-09-04T03:19:34Z

Sometimes I can't believe how desperate human beings can become when obsessed. It's the second last day of summer, and i haven't finished doing my assignment for the summer! I want to diiiiiiieeeeeeee. Note to self: You are stupid, you are dumb. If you don't get your act together soon, that's your head up your ass!

Things I've done over the summer 2006:

-summer work job as martial arts apprentice: earned approximately $600
-cut my hair to a short layered cut with Sisi< loved it so much she feels in debt to me
-d/led so much anime, my computer's pretty much loaded after its been cleansed of virus
-got through range, with Cs and Ds, and practiced driving in August, late night drivings
-on the highway three times now, facinatingly i didn't panick much :D
-battled for territory with ants in my room
-went shopping and spent over $100
-collected manga and got broke
-travel to the flea market and got hit on
-watched my brother go to college and threaten me over the phone for messing up his book order
-steamed my first fish
-managed to sift through Guns of August, and completed all work for it
-walling myself at home
-sleeping 13 hrs/day
-gone amazingly nocturnal
-getting sick on the last week of school

Things I haven't done this summer and regret:

-gone to the movies
-hanged out with friends< pre-hs
-spend more time on school work
-consider dropping out of IB
-have a summer fling
-studied SATS ACTS IB essay prework, etc
-second work job
-volunteering more< accumulated total of almost 20 hrs
-droven more than 30 hrs required for license

AP Exam

2006-05-06T05:06:29Z

Woah, man, today was a rough rough day.
Head's up, there was that huge breakfast which i was very very paranoid going constipated because of it.
And then, the ...dun dun dun...AP EXAM!
First 80 questions were sometimes more difficult than i thought, as i reached the middle i got real bored real fast, as well that the questions were difficult, so i was yawining a lot during or rather, out the tests.
I had approximately four minutes to spare after i finished, but before i did i was panicking a lot. I remembering having 40 minutes left, and was on the 20th question. Like when i was in the fifties, i had 20 minutes left, it made me panick a lot. But, the good thing was that i didn't leave anyone of the questions blank, so thats good.
The essay gave me a real hard time, first there was the mandatory, which wasn't so bad. The question was somewhat, to what extent did the ideal role of womanhood change. Something something, what promoted "republican motherhood"...something "domesticity" and during it all, it was between the American revolution and the civil war period. So i was like, 'shit shi't. i made a fwe notes first about general background, then started looking throughout the documents. luckily, they were all related to the topic, unlike the mock. i think i did fairly well on that one because i had general background information, and then restating the thesis about the extension of the changes, and also proving with the documents.
The second essay at first made my head spin with confusion, it was either the choice between the economic progression of the civil war's north and south, or some question like that and i had no idea really. the other one was the the settling of spain and new england's political, economical, and religious difference. i did the second, and more and more information came back to me luckily.
The ast gave me the worse time, for i was ten minutes late finishing the first test, then ten minutes late to finish the second. basically, i had 30 minutes to write the third essay, which was the worst keeping track of time ever. In fact, that essay was only front and back. it was the shortest essay because i didn't really understand the details. the question was, "Critics argue that the progressives in 1920 had lost thir momentum, and to analyze or something whether that was true or now by using political economical and immigrational means. The last question was about the civil rights movement, which i had absolutely no great/specific knowledge about. Therefore i chose the second last.
So afterward, i had to pee immediately, the freshrm building was filled with blacks so i went to the main, and by then i was about to pee in my pants. I left afterward and met up with sisi and the rest, we split up and came together and split up again. Siray and i went off to borders, where he stayed and i chose a manga and left. So basically i'm dead tired right now.
Tomorrow's acen~ i'm not totally ready to go yet, but i will. I'm not sure about what time unfortunately. Oh well.

Poem

2006-04-30T05:10:02Z

I dreamed a little kitty
With fur as white as snow.
It beckoned another kitty
With dark eyes that glow.

The snowy kitty licked it's chops
The dark kitty yawns and stretches.
Snowy growls, pounces, and tops
the little kitty that teases.

They tumble, and roll, all around
Kitties playing without a sound
Darky ends up on the ground
Funny little kitty, it purrs instead.

Look Look
The kitties frolick in the house
Together they drink and eat and play
Finally in the sun they stay

So peaceful are the kitties I dream
Forever together they seem
Without a care, without a doubt
They're the cutest kitties all around.

*Dedicate a reminder that Spike/Xander is Eternal.

Nothing to Do

2006-04-02T22:32:03Z

It's been SUCH while since i've posted anything at all on here. Well, nothing much as happened, xept for a possibly stressful week before. Last Thursday, i had to do a chemistry chapter test, math chapter test, and then a literature presentaion with my friends, which we did sort of lamely, but my teacher didn't say it was bad. And, history next week is our presentation *individual 3 minute presentation* so that sucks. For the literature presentation, the day ..night before, my partners and i planned to get together at Borders, but it was filled, so we had to walk blocks to get to McDonalds, which i complained a lot because i waited with my bookbag on for an hour waiting for them to meet me, and i didn't have my cellphone with me so that was partly the reason. Anyway, we got there approximately at 4:30, and worked until 6:30, which by then i was dead tired, and we had to go home. So i got home, and had to relax a bit, as well as do my chapter summary for history due the other day, but when i got on, nancy (my partner) was all pissy about me wasting time, so i got angry but didn't let that get to me. ..i think. lol. either way, i finished my portion at around 10 and went to bed at 11. it was sooo tiring. On thursday, i came straight home, played the computer a bit then went straight to bed at 8 till it was 1 in the morning, did my spanish homework, and went back to bed at 2, then woke up with a freaking headache ><. that was bad. So now its the weekend, i have a biography presentation tomorrow, and my birthdays in 3 days, as well that i have the mocks on the day after my birthday, which sucks. luckily spring break starts right after = lots of fun. :D. Basically thats all for today, ja~.

War dreams and asian pride..guh

2006-02-19T19:20:07Z

ohh man, yesterday i went 2 Valentine Boys and Girls Club, cuz dis person dat would help me get a summer job told us 2 meet her dere, n so my mom drove me dere, n we went in. dere were a lot o ppl cuz it was sum celebration o chinese new year, xept CNY was alreadi over! but it was more lyk an event 2 show a mix o cultures/talent show. dingy. cuz dere was dis major speech dingy bout wat CNY does n symbolizse ect. n den, dere were dese grls dat were dancin, it was kinda cute, movin on another speech, a blak boy signs quite nicely mariach carey's hero, and his own lil song. mexican dancers, d boys were cutish, d chinese fan dancin, d boy's kung fu dat were wimpy cuz dey were soooooo freakin skinny, n looked so freakin limp lol. bla bla other stuff, at d end, dere were dese boys (1 dats a junior i see at sk8l a lot) dat were break dancin. :D. dey were ok, but dat was...eh. o well, neway wen ever i looked 2 d left, cuz my mom was dere, deres dis gy, asian n prolli my age o older, dat kept starin at me. i was lyk =.= most o d time.
nex up, we went 2 value city n saw my aunt, agrrr biatch! n i boht a new scarf, earmuffs :D, a cute belt, etc.
last nite: dream. here we go again...
Harry, the boy from the kung fu fighting, and his friends went over 2 my house, n dey stayed rudely, so i shoved em out, but harry wont go. so i threw his show all across the street from my house :D. he was shruggin, til i took his bird d thratened 2 feed it 2 d dog nex door, it kept twittering n finally i left it on d floor were d dog was sniffin it wen harry finaly gave up.
he told me dat, were he was were demons, dat came 2 kill em n eat em up n bla bla bla, horrors, n in dis AU it was. n i couldnt do nedin.
I found myself in some library, we, me and other people, were suppose to be sorting books. I was doing my job, but I know I'm in some special cult, or organization that were planning to overthrow the government, seeking a revolution, by looking for a special book that is the key to the revolution. Apparently, it was written by Orlando Bloom, don't ask why, but i found it, and heard the narration by Bloom lol. We were about to sneak it away, when there was a guard nearby, my comrade, wuickl threw it away as if it were one of the books that were sorted wrong, close to another comrade, but she betrayed us. She betrayed us, and we found all of us on a bus. As one we glared at her, she tried to defend herself from us, to try to live a happy life'. We continued to glare, as she was placed into a section were most betrayers usually go, the 'reward' camp site. Half of that site was used to house the mediate people, wher people were usually very timid and wont cause any problems, which made it likely the reward' for people that found out about the people from the organization. The second she got down, i saw my mother down there aw well. Supposedly, i haven't seen her for a very very long time, and our family was separated. My father and brother was drafted and forced to go to war, for the most stupid of causes.
Suddenly, there was chaos in the bus, the people are despareately, forcing themsevlves off the bus, and they are running to the camp site. I took my chance to go with, but was lost in the confusion. Soldiers were rushing in on us, they opened fired, and so many people went down. I panicked and was in fear, there was a gun laying around, lost from the owner, i picked it up, and screamed as i started it, killing people right and left, all and all around. It was horrifying, but all i wanted to do was see my family.
It was another place, my mom and i, and we found my little cousin from China, all huddled in a place. Women were resorted as things for the soldiers from the other countries. There were French, English, Russian, Japanese, and soo, so many more. They were destroying our lives. My mother said softly, 'they haven't got death insurance' i suppose she meant, that since there weren't insured about the death of a family member, they were now mistreated.
I was..i was somewhere, but i was with my mom...no i wasn't. i was all alone. I held a gun, and was on an escalator. I've reached the top, i'm at a train station. I'm killing people again, and all the soldiers, from foreign countries, they were shooting at me. I'm running off the platform, onto the track, Running until i've reached some crossroad, but hiding under this thing that was the middle between the tracks. It was war, and i was killing people, i wanted to see my family again. Looking up, there was this Russian man that pointed his gun at me. It shot me in the head. I'm bleeding where my forehead is, and sudden time rewound itself. All the men retreated, and those that died, were alive again. I got up where i fell, and stared. I guess i was looking in the face, the chance to find my mom. The entire time i was looking for here, a weird song was filling my head, "Mom~my, Mom~my, why won't you ..respond..to your ba~by? There were more to that song, but it was along the song of some chorale, that i forgot the name to. it was really sad though.
So i woke up crying. bla, neway, lots o h/w 2 do 2day, cuz 2mor i'm meetin joyce.

Happy New Year!

2006-01-02T05:49:32Z

A bit later, and only 16 minutes til the end of new year day. So here are my resolutions:
1. Do homework with more time
2. pay attention and participate in class more
3. clean up more
4. read less fanfiction to do homework
5. be less mean
6. be more optimistic
7. less daydreaming and fantasizing
8. stop sneaking and eating too much junk food
9. go to bed earlier
10. control patience and extend it
11. argue less at home
12. hold it* in less.

So there, one for each month, less see how well i'd fare.

Just as a side note: its still winter break and i JUST STARTED MY HISTORY FAIR PROJECT WITH HAS TO BE FINISHED BY THE END OF THE BREAK!!!!!!!! pannicking like crazy...and the fact that other ppl r somewhat laid back, specially nancy >.> grrr lil oblivious; makes me even more panicky cuz it effects me. so i only haf lyk 1/10 o it decided/done. HELP~!

Gift..ahem book wrapping

2005-12-24T05:18:24Z

So, today after school I dragged a couple of my friends off to borders that was close to my school and forced them to labor. Lol, j/k. Ok, maybe i should start from the beginning:
This morning, no first period, therefore I was going to second period, and arrived 10 minutes late, luckily my teacher was very kind and let it go. Approaching the classroom, my classmate look at me with joy lol, a little exaggerated, but yes they did give me little gifts, and stuff, and we had a party in Chemistry. Thus my day was fine and i studied at the gym instead of DE room since my yeeacher wasn't there. At fourth period, we had math and stuff but that was annoying and i've failed another math test :sigh: >.>; it was actualli cuz i 4got 2 finish d prob. eh. well. Fifth we played requests and other songs that were happy. 6th we had a grammer test and partied, seventh, at lunch Nancy and Siray and I studied furiosly for the exam next period. Unfortunately when we did have the exam, most of the stuff we tested each other, weren't there. O well, afterwards since i didn't have a ninth, i loitered at my lit rm and stayed til after school. We went to subway for my 'dinner' and then to white hen for nancy and siray, then we headed to borders.
Immediately i called karen about the people, and she reassured me that they were suppose to be gone so we'll take thier place gift wrapping. Not so long after, we went to the table and found that it was surprisingly filled, so therefore, no problemo. Instead, vince and ada, a senior at my school, ib surprisingly, to barnes& nobles to work, while nancy, siray, this other guy, josh? jack? what? and i stayed to work. it was kind of boring but sometimes it was eventful. But in the end we had lots of fun being around each other. we attempted to sing songs, but that didnt work out so well, since we didnt know the lyrics and all. it was real fun just. i wish we could do that again one day. or even more~.
So anyway, the next few days'll be busy still because i'm working either northside barnes&nobles, or all the way to the suburbs. eh.
Love life...not :D

ERm, not very good at updating on time

2005-12-20T23:15:35Z

Sorry my journal, I forgot to update when I should've and I really really should've right? So, a make up update on my eventful day of Saturday, that was about 3 days ago, since today is Tuesday

Saturday: My friend and I went to see the movie: Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, the Witch, And the Wardrobe. and Memiores of the Geisha.
The Geisha one was actually quite well done for it was completely like the book, except after thinking about it now, it seems kind of ..put off, like the characters didn't really have time to develope, and they were forced into what ever emotion at the time. Nonetheless, the picture was very very beautiful indeed. What was annoying sometimes was the very ugliness of the men, god i wish they've just go and grab a few Chinese men and force them to speak Japanese. My god, were they Ugly or what. Although the chairman was somewhat okay looking, as in the truckguy in Chicatown, or something, he does not fit! That scene were he and Sayuri were in the little 'temple' you know, that block that is right over the water? Well, it totally showed off his two ugly moles and pimples, so that was a huge turn off, and Ziyi, Saiyri actualy, were i Pitied. lol. Basically it followed the book's events to the core almost, and talked about the relationship between Saiyuri and her sister, which that part helped me understand what the book hadn't. So if I were to grade this movie, probaly a B+, since the character developement for Sayuri was kind of icy. Anyway
Chronicles of Narnia, was THE most AWESOME movie since my childhood! It was simply beautiful, and enchanted, and so so wonderful. Peter the courages, Susan the wise, Edmund the remorse, and Lucy, dear sweet little lucy was the heart. She actually was kind of a 'eh' character after she went to Narnia, in the beginning she was adorable. But after awhile, it was better because I guess I've lost that innocence of a child. ..that includes virginity okay. Hello, i'm still young. Edumnd, he who had betrayed his siblings for the lack of trust they gave him, or attention, riveted to the Snow Queen because of that, was betrayed, so that was 'what comes around goes around'ish. In the end he was an 'eh' character, not that in the beginning was anybetter. First of all, since I hadn't read the book, theres no 'everlasting memory' whatsoever, which is kind of sad, though I will read the book..sometime in life unfortunately not now. Going back, Susan was by far my initial favorite before the movie, but while into it, she seemed kind of sad since she worried so much. Either way, i still liked her character. But finally, my favorite character of all, Peter, he was so adorable, he cares for his sister Lucy since shes the baby and played hide&seek with her, then protected her so much it makes me cry. (When susan did as well, i also felt so). Peter is my favorite, since he's so cool, ...if it weren't his character so cool, i wouldn't like him at all, since he reminds me of my classmate Eric, who's a huge ass jerk.
Moving on, so Angela and I went to Barnes&Nobles as well, which was fine and cool since it made me want to read again. Man, i love bookstores.

Today: OMG! Science Fair! I was totally panicking and scared to death, but luckily my judge was very interested in my subject and sat down even though she first declined. And that was awesome, she was so nice and understanding my subject. That's why i like her the most. The second was actually the judge of my classmates to the left and right of me as well, and I didn't like her so much, although that's not too bad since she was actually kind of nice. What was the best part was that she had praised my project's um, what was that? my planning? trials? anyway, it was being organized, and the way I had planned out my experiment with so many trials. So that was very nice. And my last judge was such a bastard, unlike my previous ones, he was somewhat nice looking and seemed nice, but omg, was he an ass or what? That F*&^er! He was all bored and stuff , and its annoying since I knew that a lot of people were using daphnia, and that's why he was bored, but hello, it was totally rude to me! He didn't ask for specific questions relating to my topic, but instead was being all, 'do you have bla bla bla' and i was thinking 'yeesh i might as well hadn't presented' since he looked through every page of my paper, i bet he was fazing out when he did so too. Hmph. Now that i reflect, its kind of like Laura Ingalls of Little Girl in the bla bla books, when Laura had been tested and the superintendent had quickly assessed her and gave her a grade then allowed her to become a teacher. Except I probably wont such a good grade. Man, he's gonna lower my score! >.>, hates:
But yea, afterwards, my friends and I hanged out and went to Quizno's and i mostly just talked and didnt feel like eating, and we walked back to school, which felt like shit because i was so tire. Therefore, I shall now sleep. Nappy time~ bai. ;D.

A Week of No Return

2005-12-17T02:40:09Z

Yet, another fine week passes by...OH MAN THAT ROCKS THE SHIT IN THE TOILET! lol. Noda happened xept a rat came outta no where, my fav part: Andrew (I saw it) Everyone (What?! Andrew!) Andrew (I thought it would make a big commotion like this, so that's why) etc etc, but omg, andrew's so sweet~, aww. Btw, Andrew's a little chinese kid, thats very quiet, and i do not like him what so ever in that* sort of way, he reminds me of my best friend's younger brother, Ronald. :D. quiet, chink, and aww.

I love E Nominee, currently having just 13 songs by them is definately not enough, but for now it shall do for now, but one way or another i WILL claim it!

Other things: I saw a really funny blog and it made me wanna do my own thing, i just found it fun, so don't start claimin me a copycat...not that i'm seriously not :D. but 2 tell d truth, ppl r always copyin me, eh, karma :D the good kind ~.^

24 Things I want for christmas:
1, Josh Groban CD
2, Linda Eder Cd
3, E Nomine Cd
4, Kamelot CD
5, Nightwish new Cd
6, Lacuna Coil CD
7, Ipod
8, manga
9, burnable cds
10, new computer with flat screen this time
11, anime merchandise
12, digital camera
13, Grim Brothers fairy tale book
14, Redwall novels that I dont have
15, Briar Rose Novel
16, Dragons of Pern tri..something that smashes 3 books in 1
17, Gorillaz Cd
18, SR-71 CD
19, presents from at least 10 friends, no matter what they are
20, a gay man novel :blush:
21, a dog actually, but not likely to happen
22, any 4 legged creature is fine (except 4 rats/mouses) (and only! 4)
23, burnable cds
24, and finally christmas that is fun.

12 People I enjoy being friends with
1, Angela
2, Joyce
3, Lucy
4, Nancy
5, Tammy
6, Inaki
7, May
8, Vicky
9, Curie
10, Siray
11, Kevin
12, Malkah

6 Things I Like
1, Anime
2, Fanfiction
3, Songs
4, Animals
5, Food
6, Clothes

3 Things I Like About Me Physically
1, My Hair
2, My nails
3, My eyes

2 Things I serously Love
1, Internet
2, Attention

1 Wish
I wish to be able to accomplish all things with success and happiness.

Wee, its interesting to think, since it takes time. Bwee.

New Day New Life

2005-12-04T17:09:45Z

There's been this whacked out dream which was totally out of the ordinary considering what my dreams were, it was twisted of love, family, death, and betrayal for one. In which there's this family, the husband and wife are 'together' only in the sense of being, but each has their lover, that later developes that the wife was pregnant and she couldn't take her husband anymore. The husband called the soldiers, and the father of "married couple" was dying and trying to pacify the two, i was apparently the side line character/kid, and was wondering about taking care of the new baby and wanted the next name in the traditional code was. The "traditional code" was for each generation there was a special name, where the child's name must have that word in it. Just as the wife said her and her lover were leaving, the soldiers barged in and started killing all the people with swords, but the people within the house all grabbed their own swords to fight, it ended with a scene of bloodshed coating the floor, curtains, and dead bodies. The wife and her lover wre dead and trying to reach each other but never made it, the other coupled had died from my mental knowledge that the wife immediately knew of the betrayal of her husband and stabbed him with her sword. The husband's lover was killed by the soldiers and the rest of the people were killed as well. But as i watch from the sidelines, the Father gasped the child's name was "Hern if the father was Wattson" which was the name of the wife's lover. So then i woke up. Weird.

Song of the day: Passion,; Utada Hikaru
Quote of the day: It's so easy to wish for death when nothing's wrong with you! It's so easy to fall in love with death, and I've been all my life, and seen its most faithful worshipers crumble in the end, screaming just to live, as if all the dark veils and the lilies and the smell of candles, and grandiose promises of the grave, mean nothing.
I knew that. But I always wished I was dead. It was a way to go on living.
"Violin", by Anne Rice Speaker: Triana

Movies

2005-11-27T06:58:17Z

Read with British accent. Today, I've for the first time ever, even though it's not much of a crime, but would count if taken seriously, have watched two movies instead of the one that I've just paid for. So yes, it's officially done, before, I never had the time nor concern to do so.
So which movies had I watched? lol, my friend and i meant to watch Pride and Prejudice and then Rent, but after watching P&P, HP4 was just starting, and she said if i wanted to watch it so bad, she'll watch it with me. I'm so ever grateful to her, she's such my darling soul sister have. I am exagerating about being grateful enough to call her a soul sister, but really, even before today, she's like my quiet life tutoring sister.
Today, i've experienced the contradictions of reading the book first and then watching the movie, and watching the movie and then read the book.
Pride and Prejudice was such a wonderful movie, it's too bad i haven't read the book before it, but i will as soon as possible, and will update again when i do. But the movie, the characters were so wonderful and the plot itself, that might've been changed, which i am totally expecting, was beautiful as itself, the movie itself, not like based on the book. Although it seemed kind of choppy and didn't have much of a flow, the general gist of it which is basically the romance between Mr. Darcy and Elizabeth Benett were so sweet! Anyone that knew Ran Fujimiya from WK fanfiction*, would have seen the abrupt similiarities. The cold and aloof, yet somewhat prideful chracter both retain is like looking into an alternative mirror; yet both are so warm and kind heated, protective and open to their younger sisters. The ending was such a flick! I quote, "Mrs Darcy... :in a spectacular tone, kiss on the forehead: Mrs Darcy... :repeat but on the cheek: Mrs. Darcy...:repeat near the ear: :repeat in a accepting whisper on her other underside of face: :repeat on the nose: :repeat on the lips: unquote. So at first i was like, 'Awwww" but then when he kissed her the second time i was like all ackward, and thought that reading these kind of romantic kisses are better than seeing it lol. Mr. Darcy's love to Elizabeth was so pitiful and sad and absolutely wonderous. I love him! As a side note, Mr. Colin is what my friend dubbed, 'the Geek' because he was so short and EW! he wanted to propose to Jane, which her mother declined and pushed to Lizzie, who refused and he married her best friend. When he was 'courting' her which was like one scene, i was all EW EW EW! and my friend was laughing, but all in all, although sad, he was pitifully humorous.
Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire, on the other hand, i would've given a B for plot scene directing, and a C for the entire thing, an absolute F for according to the book, since I didn't think that there were so many foreign students at Hogwarts, and mostly, I just hate the fact the Patil twins were ugly and snotty; and a good B/C for most of the characters, Dumbledore on the other hand deserves a damn F! He sucks, and over reacts, and was totally out of character, the one i've read was so not like him at all! Who ever was 'Mr. Dumbledore" should be switched alreadi! I hate him so much!. but otherwise, Chang was actually kind of background, i didn't really have much of a notice of her, and her character wasn't much, much to my relief. Therefore, as long she stays* that way (out of the way and dont have special scenes), i'll be happy to encourage her acting and not join in the bashing. Hee. The end where Harry brought back Cedric's body and over dramatic 'not letting go' was really fake, but i reveled in it, or rather 'indulge' it like a secret fetish. ha. Nice crying by the way, it made me cry to my embarrasement, but i'm always too emotional. The dragon vs harry was really nice up til when he flew to the castle, which takes away the excitement of showing off and giving a performance (which couldve given him more adoration) :tilts head and shruggs: what? its my my little indulgence of giving my character the head spot, it's like the re-education fic! Everyone else seems kind of lame actually, and the fighting were like..off, i don't know, my friend kept picking at the age, since they're too old. lol. Hello, look at the Fred&George twins! Hm, what else, i actually liked McGonall in here, she was protective and nice. :hugs: So all in all, it was choppy, definately not worth the money to see it, which i didn't pay, therefore i dont feel guilty, and i would've if i had saw rent~. Ah. People see it when its so crappy anyway, because it was a remake, o well, technically, i dont think ppl can stop themselves from seeing it, it's been like two weeks since it came out and the theater was almost all filled, in the way in which you had to go to the back back back for spacy seats aka one or two seats away from all ppl.
So based on this deduction i say, that watching the movie before reading the novel is much better. Actually, no, i'll update again after i read P&P.
Omg, i had to pee during the movie 3 times 2day, and 2 other times during break, aka, after 2st mv, n aft last. it made me miss out, but that's too unfortunate.
My friend and i were lost trying to find route 29 after going to the theaters, so we walked in a circle back to state lol, gave me a headache, o well, it was very nice and quietly fun. Totally relaxing where i don't have to 'hyper' all the time like with other friends, it actually annoys me when i do that since it seems desperate and fake, although the regret is later, cuz when i am with them, its genuinally friendliness.

Hyper from tea, conversations, and essays...pity. HEY LETS B BRITS!!!

2005-11-22T08:03:12Z

So like, :smacks lips: today, we like :smacks: totally~ had like :smacks: such Fun! No, i'm kidding darkling. Yeh, that's right darkling not darling cuz i no u aint no motha fetcha! HA! ooooooo man u've hit d pile o SHITZ! lol. J/k. ...0.o hmm? Anyway, essay's conclusion im not done w/ and im TOTALLY failing anyway, tch~! :does d hand flip thang: So ttyl~ so long biatches~ :smacks:

Long Quote of the Day:
sEssHomAruz giRL: *sleepy*
sEssHomAruz giRL: almost done with essay
sEssHomAruz giRL: kinda
sEssHomAruz giRL: *dies*
PicciPikyMao9045: i CANT DO D CONCLUSION!!!!
PicciPikyMao9045: deres only 2 dings 2 write bout
PicciPikyMao9045: n its SO EMPTY
PicciPikyMao9045: from 1-4 paragraphs its only 1 pg n 1/3
PicciPikyMao9045: god im sooo dead tired
PicciPikyMao9045: n d stupid tea suxs!
PicciPikyMao9045: im SLEEPY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
PicciPikyMao9045: caffine suxs
sEssHomAruz giRL: sisi said it doesnt matter
sEssHomAruz giRL: if it's a full 2 pages
sEssHomAruz giRL: as long as it's 7 sentences each
PicciPikyMao9045: IF ITS A FULL 2 PGS!!!!
PicciPikyMao9045: 7 sentences EACH!!!
PicciPikyMao9045: mines not EITHER!
PicciPikyMao9045: ...d last para isnt
PicciPikyMao9045: its only 2
PicciPikyMao9045: ><
sEssHomAruz giRL: o_o
sEssHomAruz giRL: are you serious?!
PicciPikyMao9045: i meant
sEssHomAruz giRL: 1 inch margins?
PicciPikyMao9045: d conclusion is only 2 sentences
PicciPikyMao9045: d rest oki
PicciPikyMao9045: but deyre still not 2 pgs filled
PicciPikyMao9045: only 1 n 1/3 , w/conclusion 1+1/2
PicciPikyMao9045: DEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAD
PicciPikyMao9045: :enlarges font:
PicciPikyMao9045: :D
sEssHomAruz giRL: lol
sEssHomAruz giRL: nah cant with font
sEssHomAruz giRL: margins!
sEssHomAruz giRL: ;D
PicciPikyMao9045: wat no
PicciPikyMao9045: i hate messin w/dat
sEssHomAruz giRL: -_-
PicciPikyMao9045: i always mess up ><
PicciPikyMao9045: its destined
sEssHomAruz giRL: my margins are default weird
PicciPikyMao9045: shhh
PicciPikyMao9045: >..
PicciPikyMao9045: it hears me
PicciPikyMao9045: n its gonna do sumdin weird
PicciPikyMao9045: lyk
PicciPikyMao9045: CLOSE ALL MY WORK!!
PicciPikyMao9045: AHHHHHHHH
PicciPikyMao9045: saves:
PicciPikyMao9045: tired
PicciPikyMao9045: but my minds very happi
PicciPikyMao9045: n disillusional
PicciPikyMao9045: i was dinkin
PicciPikyMao9045: lyk a white lame man :D
PicciPikyMao9045: u no d movie?
PicciPikyMao9045: 'alex'?
PicciPikyMao9045: :DDD
PicciPikyMao9045: weeeee
PicciPikyMao9045: CORNDAWG!
PicciPikyMao9045: HILLYSWAGGER!
PicciPikyMao9045: JUMBO BEAN!
PicciPikyMao9045: WEEEEEEE
PicciPikyMao9045: damn..conclusion >.>
PicciPikyMao9045: :stabs:
PicciPikyMao9045: how bout u?
sEssHomAruz giRL: i'm finishing up 4th para
sEssHomAruz giRL: no idea for conclusion
PicciPikyMao9045: yay~
sEssHomAruz giRL: *dies*
PicciPikyMao9045: lol
sEssHomAruz giRL: i might need some starbucks tmrw
PicciPikyMao9045: :stretches eye lids w/a q-tip:
PicciPikyMao9045: haf sum coffeee noooooooowwwww
PicciPikyMao9045: or drink teaaaaaaaa
PicciPikyMao9045: like meeeeeeeeee
PicciPikyMao9045: haaaaaaaaaahahahhahaha!~
sEssHomAruz giRL: i dont have any at home :[
PicciPikyMao9045: den u suuuuuuuuuuuuuxs
PicciPikyMao9045: azn
PicciPikyMao9045: FAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIILLLLUUUUURRRRRRREEEEE!
PicciPikyMao9045: AHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA
PicciPikyMao9045: im....weird ><
PicciPikyMao9045: but dun ignore me!!!
PicciPikyMao9045: waaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhh
PicciPikyMao9045: ur ignorrriiin MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
PicciPikyMao9045: tea SHUCKS~!
PicciPikyMao9045: LYK A WEEE WEEEE
PicciPikyMao9045: HHHHAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA
PicciPikyMao9045: ..haaa i crap myself up
sEssHomAruz giRL: stop talking so much in like 1 sec
sEssHomAruz giRL: lmao
sEssHomAruz giRL: wth
PicciPikyMao9045: i should give u sum old chats i had
sEssHomAruz giRL: i should put that in my info
PicciPikyMao9045: lol
PicciPikyMao9045: do wat u want
PicciPikyMao9045: just give me credit :D
PicciPikyMao9045: eh
PicciPikyMao9045: quotes:
sEssHomAruz giRL: well i'm so not saying that i wrote that lol
PicciPikyMao9045: since i hafnt been happi lyk dat in a loong time
PicciPikyMao9045: heeeyyyy
PicciPikyMao9045: hidoiiiiiiii
PicciPikyMao9045: fuuuuuuuuck
PicciPikyMao9045: i poured tea on myself
PicciPikyMao9045: ..STINKY!
PicciPikyMao9045: man 2day suxs
PicciPikyMao9045: u rememb how u wack urself in d eye 2day?
PicciPikyMao9045: XDDD
PicciPikyMao9045: oooo man dat was lyk SHIIIITTT
PicciPikyMao9045: ...ah wite grl talkin lyk a boi in me talkin
sEssHomAruz giRL: o.o
sEssHomAruz giRL: lmao
PicciPikyMao9045: lmao ur ass
sEssHomAruz giRL: i dont have an ass
sEssHomAruz giRL: :-P
PicciPikyMao9045: well
PicciPikyMao9045: ur donkeywhore
PicciPikyMao9045: ooo
sEssHomAruz giRL: OMG I'M AT CONCLUSION
PicciPikyMao9045: gosh u talk lyk my friend
PicciPikyMao9045: OMG IM STILL NOT DONE CUZ I WAS TALKIN 2 U!
sEssHomAruz giRL: well i gotta go away to work
sEssHomAruz giRL: and then sleep
PicciPikyMao9045: eh
PicciPikyMao9045: lamo
sEssHomAruz giRL: lmao
sEssHomAruz giRL: wth
PicciPikyMao9045: lameo*
PicciPikyMao9045: wth ur mom!
PicciPikyMao9045: hahahaha
PicciPikyMao9045: ...made no sense actualli
sEssHomAruz giRL is away at 1:55:48 AM.

Let's do da funky thingjamig~ shake ur thang~ c'mon~ shake it! shake it bitch! AROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO~!!! Ha! tea is like on CRACK MAN! Illuminates your enteral Soul, and releashes your inner mental being...:D ha~ shorty doing drugs from SM2~ :D. Go Shorteh~

Happy Halloween! Hallow indeed...

2005-10-31T22:44:55Z

It's been another worst day in the life of this emo girl. starting from the beginning of this day at one in the morning, repeatedly pummeled verbally by my mother to sleep and stop doing homework, when at the time, though i deserved it, was playin computer. I ended up taking a 2 hour nap, and because my mother was so furious at me, she said i could wake up on my own to aviod my morning attitude. Therefore, i totally overslept and came to school twenty minutes late. And I dont give a fuck. So that's my day, in which things kept getting worse and worse, for being Hallowween at my school ususally means being thrown at by rotten eggs. In which more things to come such as failing with a fucking F on my math test, enjoy all asians out there to smite in my face that one can actually accomplish such a feat! Yes, thats right! There is at least One asian Chinese! female out in the world that doesn't know how to do little math problems, and not only that my creeps! This little female, is also failing her other subjects too, in a C grade manner! Where's that loud gasp i'm waiting for? Ah, there it is.
So yes, crappy day, and yet whence I came home, there she is~ my mother, the overbearing queen of henpecking. She had been about to draw blood when suddenly my mental life savor called our house. Thank God! He Loves us All!! Praise God! Yes indeed that was sarcasm, sorry. Unfortunately, this entire day has been nought but anguish and humility. There is nothing left to elaborate in order to understand fully what one can suffer through. This shame, yet sinful pride, anger, yet repetance, hurtful, yet sadistic feelings, are not to be so easily understood by an outsider. Not that there is one.

Most regretful of all, betwixt the interaction between mother and daughter fights and disapointment, was that just a year ago, i shared this happy exciting holiday with my good dear friend. Unfortunately, she's not on right now, alas, all that have been upon earth shall vanquish. But that is for another day since she has not parted us spiritually.

More importantly, it is admonishing the way i can feel for life is none other than waiting although dreadfully, my early death. Saddenlingly, it is true. Bland and dull this universe are, according to the poem "Thanatopis", live life to the fullest and die with no regrets, but in truth , there is no life to live fully, and death is just the channel to eternal pain and hell, or emptiness whence no one can even be able to give a damn. For once my teacher asked us, "Facing a serious life and death situation, would you fear death?" And for that brief moment in our constantly flowing lifestreams, "yes i do fear death" sorrowfully, i do not fear death at this second. Even the pain of dying seems to be blank, instead, what fills me is nought but yearning for that pain that comes briefly before death. To live within one more moment before finally ending all that was necessary to survive in life. Death, is the only answer to eternal rest.

To say, even a teenager thinking and yearning for death cant be the worst thing for the natural flow of innocence and life, for worst of all, is that there are millions, literally, out there that thinks the same way. Studies have shown this particular mental illness prematures in teenagers and sometimes fades away when fullly grown, the name of this disease is called 'teenage angst', sadly the only prescription was to be spoiled and trusted. In which i have none, so how much of this would affect my future actually?
Would the world really tolerate a stupid, compensatiable, premature little seed that has no use to the world's tiny peice of atom? As some people fondly say, "They're preventing the world from revolving" or perhaps "You waste the oxygen you breathe" or "Polluting water that could have served a better cause" it seems our kind is the beyond the lowest. There is no recognition nor sympathy or even hatred of our specie. We are what people tolerate, is it then that we be grateful to them? Even when we seek death ourselves; though they are the ones that screams "you have everything to live for" and convince us from dying yet beneath that carng exterior, lies the truth from both the conscious and devil himselves, that sneers "Just let them die, they arent worthy to live, let them go, it doesn't matter to you or even thier family for the matter". It is too pitiful our exsistence, please allow us our pride. But no, these controlfreaks wont allow even that. Locked up in a horrifying mental institution with a tag and bar code number, it is what we know for the rest of our lives. This horrible bitter world, it has abandoned us, yet wouldn't let us leave. Truely cruel.

Hisashi buri, eck how do you say it?

2005-09-30T02:41:08Z

Anyway. it's been awhile since I've updated, so its not like anything had happened much. I've been farily happy since school started, my days are so fucking peaceful, i believe i am a pacifist. It's kind of like you're born in a peaceful time, then the world goes to war, the entire time you're just hiding away, and now the wars over. Except this is a very horrible comparison, considering the time it is today. Also, i've thought of somethings, i cant wait to write an article or paper on the events that happened now, like Hurricane Katrina, or something about the government or president or what ever, because it would so be a primary source document in the future, wouldn't that be cool or what? heh.

So yea, nothing much had happened, i've learned a lot about the us in history, and it's kind of cool. i cant wait until its march when our teacher will take us to Washington and we can learn the inside functions of our government. Of course, the main happiness would be that I will be away from home for a week yays. But yea. Anyway, its been fun, so i've been happy. Yea.

Tired, but relatively a good day

2005-09-22T21:21:01Z

Okay, nothing special today, except I have GOT to get a calculator soon or else I am SO dead. Heh~ >

Frustation on a Bad Day!

2005-09-19T21:19:27Z

All right, today is the worst day in my ever existence according to this instant.

First off it was near 80 degrees this morning and my mother forced me to wear a long sleeved jacket
Then I missed the brown line train 3 times for the purple line train
I was late. I had to walk really really fast, and in the end all I had was straining muscles
I couldn't make it to the band room to return my music book or clarinet thus making me feel guilty
Chemistry: my fucking calculator was stolen
In math i scored low grade in my test for the calculator part but did well on the non calculator part
in band, i played horribly for the test
then i lost my happy bunny pin which even though it hurts me from the sharp corners, i loved dearly and costed me fuckin 3$ and more. fucker
For the rest of the day it went relatively well exept seeing my old friend being drunk on campus. That was totally weird, her face was all red and she was swaying and when she was near me, she was smelling nasty of alcohol.
But either way the rest of the day went relatively well
Until. i had to come home. i was sweating and it was okay, til i came from the train station and got onto the 62 bus, then realized there was a route 39 to st. louis there as well, i was tempted to get on that, but the thought of wasting more money is horrifying, then the 62 bus i was on lagged, which pissed me off.
i ended up walking furiously home and once more got straining muscles.
It was okay for like 10 minutes when i was madly eating food, then my mom came home, in which i stupidly told her my bad day, and she was totally a bitch about.

now. fucking internet keeps lagging and pisses me off more than ever. god i fuckin hate this day. fuck fuck fuck. not only that ive got so much fuckin homework and want to read the new fanfiction, its not funny at all. god i need to talk to someone about my day. i'm so going to die one day...hopefully soon so i don't have to take this shit anymore. fucking person who stole my calculator. i hope it has nasty bumbs and pus leaking out of it's genitial area, that releases a nasty secretion that lures bugs to it like honey to a bear.

anyway, that would be it for today.